I have a habit of weighing myself daily. I have an app that I track it on but I only really record my weigh in on Mondays. While weighing myself this morning I noticed that I had gained 2 pounds. I was like what happened I didn't over or under eat. I didn't eat anything that I haven't ate before. I kept kicking myself for a weight gain instead of loss. But after talking to my PCA this afternoon. It was brought to my attention that I had a salty meal last night and maybe that has a lot to do with it. I also didn't get in my evening walk either as it was raining outside. I need to get my butt in gear and get in my exercise whether it is outside or inside I just need to get it done. So here I am trying to make myself feel better by telling myself that it happens and that I just need to keep on going. I just need to get it done and don't look back.

I also need to stop weighing myself every day. This is going to be a hard thing to do because I like knowing where I am at.

So today my 4 year old and I went to the library to pick up a few things that have come in. We also walked though Wal-mart even though I was only getting a few things that were all on the grocery side. We went to a book sale this morning also I was looking for books for myself and my husband well I found more for myself and none for my husband. I will go back tomorrow to see if I can find some for him. I walked to go get the mail as my son rode his bike I should have continued to go around the development but I didn't. I have a few other things that I had to get done before the end of everyone's work day.

So here I sit trying to find motivation to get things done. But at least my supper will be easy to make tonight. And with that said time to go make those said meatballs.

Aug 5

Last weekend I lost the battle of no fair food. I didn't over do it and with all the walking all days this weekend I did ok. I didn't have any weight loss but I didn't gain either. So we are back on track again. I hope that the rest of this month there wont be any temptations that will sway me to the junk food. I wasn't hungry most of the weekend I have to force feed myself to get something into me to keep up the energy.

Today I had some eggs and turkey bacon. Then took the dog and 4 year old for a walk around our development. Once home I made some protein bars, some skinny chunky monkey cookies, and an agave granola bars. I haven't tried any yet but know I have something to grab when I want something sweet. I have gotten all my water in already today. I think maybe later I will work with the weights that we bought this weekend so I can get in another work out today.

Now to get my laundry done and put away. I also need to get the cats litter boxes cleaned out and get the garbage out since tomorrow is garbage pick up.

So again it is one day at a time that I need to keep in mind and just keep looking forward.

The fair started this week and really there are 2 fairs that are going on that my family will go to. We also have another event going on which is Dragon boat races. So there is a lot to do this week/weekend. We have went to the fair that is in our county yesterday. I plan on going back to this fair this weekend for something to do and a new place to walk. Plus the boys get out of the house and get to see the animals. Now with that said I am happy to say I haven't eaten any fair food as of yesterday. But I also wasn't hungry at all yesterday and I am still not hungry today. I have had to force myself to eat. I have been drinking lots due to a reaction to a med that causes dry mouth. But I have had this problem with this med for a few weeks now so I don't think I am drinking more and not eating because of it.

Last night I didn't even think the food smells were good which I am all for fair food. But at least we got some walking in last night and will again tonight with going to a different fair tonight. I am enjoying having things to do during the week but kinda bummed that everything is happening this weekend and there won't be anything else going on for the rest of August. The boys and I will be bored for the rest of the summer unless I can think of things to do. With is getting a little cooler now swimming at the lake is out because the water will be getting colder. I'm glad to say that we will be trail walking more since it has great views. We will also be going to the state park and get some great pictures of the boys. Yep you guessed it I am starting on getting Christmas pictures done now instead of later when I will have more on my plate than I can keep up with.

I am happy that August is our slow month but bummed at the same time. But once September hits it will be school time for my 4 year old. He will be going to preschool 3 times a week for 2 1/2 hrs a day. I know he is excited to be going back to school. Every time we go into that building he is wanting to go see his teachers and for me to drop him off and leave him there.

My other son will have birth to 3 come out to work with him every week. I are also changing our place for OT and PT, and speech. I am glad to be moving to this other place as I am sick and tired of OT and PT people being late and messing up his schedule when he could have ate before they came but we wait for them to show up and then they are 1/2hr to 1hr late with no phone call at all.

On my journey to a new me I am please to say it has been going good. At times I wish I had more motivation and liked myself more but I know it is coming and I will get there in time. I am going to try and work in some different exercises than just going walking. I know I will get there just need to find my get up and go as it comes and goes really fast. But on he food side of things I have been making good choices and I am happy with the choices I have made.

Here is to making the right choices and staying the path to a healthier me and family.

Get up and Go

I have found a part of my get up and go today. I had breakfast and thought that it would be a great day to go for a walk. Don't get me wrong I have been going for a walk everyday that equals about 1.44 miles but I really am sick of walking in our development every day sometimes twice a day. So once I got my 4 year old on board to go walk on a trail he was all for it. Even the dog was very happy to get to go for a walk. So we loaded up into the car with the stroller and some water and headed out to the Paul Bunyan Trail.

After about 40 mins my 4 year old asked if we could go home yet I told him no that we were not to the spot to turn around yet. Well by 54 mins in we found the turn around spot which is a bridge that is over the Mississippi River. We even saw a muskrat pulling a stick behind him to his den which my son was able to see the muskrat swim underwater to his den. Now that my son was out of the stroller he didn't want to turn around and go back he wanted to keep going but I knew I wasn't ready to go all the way around Lake Bemidji. So finally I convinced my son that we should go home so I can make lunch. Well needless to say the 4 year old loves food right now and really couldn't wait to get home to eat lunch. Well we had 54 mins to wait till we were back at the car. My son walked a little ways back and then decide it was better to ride in the stroller. I can't blame the kid he ran almost 2 miles at his activity yesterday and then walked almost a mile after we had supper last night.

I was lost in though while on the return trip I was thinking that I should do this more often but the next time I do it I kinda want to go alone with my Ipod to see if I can get my time down a little bit more. My 4 year old wanted to go back to the bridge and I told him another day we would go and if he wanted to he could bike but more than likely he will just ride it the stroller. About half way back my son started to ask me questions some of which I could answer and other well I made an answer up since it doesn't really matter where the dragon fly is going or what the butterfly is doing.

Once we were off the trail and loading up I was wondering how far I had went. I don't have a pedometer yet and there isn't mile markers on the trail. So I would have to wait till I got home to put it into my fitness tracker to see how far I went.

After entering it into my fitness tracker I found out I walked 4.83 miles in 1hr 53mins. I am very proud of myself and I feel better about myself also. I like being able to do something I didn't think I could do. I think it is time to write down some goals I have so I can see how far I have come and something to strive to. I don't want to loose my motivation. I am thinking about getting some weights so I can work out my upper half of my body and maybe get in some new exercises to change it up. I know I will get onto my Wii board tomorrow because I know I will feel better afterwards and I will get a lot of walking done at the Fair tomorrow. I might have to invest in a pedometer before I go there so I can track how far I go. I know with getting out side and getting the exercise I am ready for bed sooner and sleep better. I hope I can keep this up for as long as it takes to get to my final goal.

Food Monster

I did okay while taking the boys to the cities so one could have tubes put in. Eating wise I did okay didn't get much exercise in except for walking around the hospital. I wanted to swim but couldn't leave the boys by themselves so the older boy and I went swimming while the other one sat in the stroller watching everyone.

The next day I decided to get a smoothie at MOA and walk around there for awhile. Well needless to say I did get my smoothie but also got a cinnabun cinnamon roll with extra frosting. I didn't eat much of it and we went to subway for lunch. But I got a pop and drank 1/2 of it and left it the rest at Subway was going to bring it with me to keep me awake for the drive home. Mcdonald's was for supper

Well it only went down hill from there. I at the rest of the cinnamon roll and a few other things. The only good thing I did was go for a walk. Again I had McDonald's and Arbys. Yep didn't do so great this day.

Saturday rolls around again had some McDonald's and Pizza was for supper. Only good thing I did was go for a walk and we also walked around at a wood carvers festival.

Sunday we had BBQ and left overs for supper. Yep only good thing to come out of this day was a cleaner house and a walk.

I actually felt crappy and could feel the water weight come one. I felt my hands get bigger. Need less to say I felt really bad and didn't want to feel this way again. So today I hit the ground running so to speak. I had a smoothie for breakfast, a sandwich with carrots and cherries for lunch, and supper is spaghetti with home made sauce. I still have some calories to eat up but in my greatest hope to use them right.

I fell off the wagon and hit hard and fast. I'm glad that I fell so hard and fast that I could literately feel it affect me and know thats not what I want. I am faced with many more challenging things ahead most of which I don't know what they are. But I will try with the best of intentions to beat it and not go down the this path again.

I am going to call this thing in me the food monster and I am going to beat this food monster so it only wants good healthy stuff and in a good size.  I know I can beat it and going to get it done. I don't want to feel like this again. I can't because I wont get to see my kids grow up and I wont get to play with them the way I want to. It was an eye opener thats for sure and now that I have seen what going back the other way can do I really don't want to do that.

July 22, 2013

Ok our story starts on Wednesday I went to a conference call between all the social workers. They talked about the adoption stuff and what we still needed to get it done. Well need less to say the lawyer thing came up again and the social worker over in WI said that we should afford a lawyer since we get paid to take care of Mathis. She implied that we use this money to take trips and spend it on anything but Mathis. She doesn't understand that we live 4 hrs from his specialty doctors and have to go down there monthly to see them. Its like we are neglecting the kid or something.

Thursday: It was about 12:30 when Mathis OT came out to work with him. Mind you she was 1/2 hr late getting here. Well she asked Tobi where he got the marks on his face from Tobi said "Daddy got me." I quickly told her that it was rug burn. Well about a hour or so passes and I get a knock on the door. It is the sheriff asking to see and talk to Tobi. Tobi doesn't want to talk to him because he had on sun glasses and was bent over. So I explained that they were playing on Wednesday night and they got a little to rough with each other. I was asked several times if James beat me and I told him no. I found it funny that the sheriff didn't want to look in on Mathis while he was here.

So Friday comes and I get a call from the social worker that she would like to come out and ask some questions and talk with Tobi. Again Tobi only talked about what he wanted to and didn't say anything to her. She asked the same questions the sheriff did and I told her the same thing and that is was a big misunderstanding. This social worker also talked with the foster parent social worker and foster parent social worker told the other one that if we said thats what happened then thats what happened since we have always been open with them. The social worker said that she was just doing a check up and no file will be made on this so we will not have any problems with the adoption. 

I know James and I lost some sleep over this one. It really makes me mad that this OT person didn't ask me more questions and did this to our family. Needless to say she will never be out here again.

We did some extra special things for Tobi even though I don't think he knew what was going on. 

This was my week from hell. At least the weekend was better we went to Itasca State Park on Saturday. We all had fun. It was nice to get away for a day and just have fun. Sunday after church we went to the Movies with Tobi it was his first time there.

Mississippi Head Waters Hubby, Mathis, and Tobi

Now for the weight end of things since it was such a rough week I gained a pound. I was stress eating. I knew that I shouldn't be doing that but I just couldn't control it. So I am back at it today and so far so good. I need to get some exercise in today but figure that once supper is over I will go for a walk maybe a few times around the development. 

Here is to hoping for a better week, good weather for driving in, and for Mathis' surgery to go well. 

July 17, 2013

Yesterday I talked to one of our foster parent social workers and was on the phone with her getting things squared away to renew our licence. I was also told that they were going to have a phone conference between all of the agency's/social workers that are now involved with our adoption case. Not to mention I filled out some paperwork thinking that it was the right things that we needed well needless to say I did paperwork for nothing.

More on what yesterday brought. It was so hot out yesterday that I didn't get any exercise in at all. I feel bad about that but it was so hot and I don't do well with hot. But on a better note things went better the rest of the night last night.

Today thinking that I have all my eggs in a basket and would be able to file some paper work I was giddy and very happy. I didn't go for a morning walk but told myself that I would get something in just as soon as I could. Well needless to say I haven't done a thing because I'm mad, pissed off, and want to cry like a baby. With all that happened from 9am to 10am sucked royally. We are no closer to the adopting than we were when we got him. And not to mention we were dumped on for getting a support check for him. My feelings on this is that they think since we get this check every month that we just spend it willy nilly and don't use it for the 20 month old. Since we get this check every month that we are made of money and can afford a lawyer. I really don't think they know we live in rural MN and that the specialty doctors we see are 4 hours away which cost money to get down there and back. So I have been fuming all day about this and still haven't cooled off yet. But it looks like it might rain maybe I will go cool off in the rain. So after supper tonight I plan on getting some exercise in so I can take out my frustrations on something other than eating myself into oblivion.

July 15, 2013

I had some very busy days this weekend. On Friday my husband and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. We stayed at home and just had a nice dinner and we had decided that we would have a really nice supper on Saturday or Sunday. With all the running I had to do on Friday I didn't get any exercising in.

Saturday we as a family went to pick strawberries. So that was my exercise for that day with all the bending over and moving up and down the rows of strawberries. We decide to go to our meat place and got some Ribs, steak, and some beef jerky. I have to say that calorie wise I didn't do so hot this day. But the ribs and the beef jerky were very yummy. We also went shopping so with all the store we were at and walking up and down the aisles I would have to say we walked a mile or more. But I got some good shoes for walking. I love them already. I also got some slip on tennis shoes that I have been looking for since I was pregnant with my 4 year old.

Sunday we headed to church then out shopping again to get the final things we have forgotten the 2 previous days. We had Subway for lunch and then we sat down and I promptly fell asleep. That night we had our steak and went for a walk afterwards. Glad we did so I didn't feel so bad for not doing anything all day.

Today I made my 4 year old and myself some eggs, turkey bacon, and toast for him. Then we went out for a walk. Then it was into town to drop off some movies and some paperwork for our water test for our foster care paperwork that needs to be done. Once we got home we had some play time and then we went to go get the mail. Lunch was left over subway and supper tonight will be pork with what I'm not sure of yet. I also got the whole house vacuumed and the litter boxes cleaned. I filled up the cats food they all came running when they heard me filling it up. I got the dishes put away and have started to do the laundry. I feel like I have accomplish something. I will wash floors later in the week. As for the rest of the day I think it will be a read a book or watch a movie till its time to make dinner.

Well that's all for now.

July 11, 2013

I got out for my walk last night felt good. Decided to not to take my bedtime pills till morning and got a good nights rest. By waiting to take my pills today I have gotten lots done. I have done 3 loads of laundry 2 of which are still on the line drying. I got both bathrooms cleaned. I dusted and still need to vacuum but that is after nap. I got my watermelon cut up and put away. I even emptied out the dish washer and since we are out of dish washer soap I did 2 sets of dishes and got both put away. I went for a longer walk with my 4 year old. And the best part I don't feel tired one bit. I also got the goats fed earlier so that was a good thing. Now to wait to start supper.

I'm starting to make better decisions on the things that I eat. I could have had a pop last night but decided to stick with ice tea. I satisfied my sweet/chocolate craving with some no bake cookies. I am enjoying some me time while it is nap time today. Its nice to be able to do what I want and find new things to do and cook. I'm almost finished with my book and can't wait to start the next one.

July 10, 2013

So the end of the day yesterday went better than I expected. We brought our kids to Run for Fun and my 4 year old who loved it last year and hasn't wanted to do it at all this year finally did it. He ran with daddy every race. I was very proud of him. Last night he didn't sleep very well. It seem like he kept getting charlie horses so he cried a lot last night.

Sleep for me last night wasn't all that great either with not a lot of sleep. It was my first day with my upped medication and I have a few more weeks till I get to my full dose. I am thinking about getting some Melatonin to try and see if that helps me any.

Yesterday I got on my Wii board and did about 20 mins with that. I am taking today off maybe but might go for a family walk later after supper we shall see.

Today has been a good day. Besides the 20 month old and his fits. Both boys are taking a nap and I will be getting them both up shortly so they can sleep tonight. I got a few things done and will try to get more done later. But for now I have no energy to do anything and that's just what I'm going to do. Maybe read a book outside when I get the boys up. Well I'm off for now to see what the rest of the day brings to me.

July 9, 2013

I had to take another med last night to get rid of my head ache. I think it helped me sleep as I got a few hours of sleep last night. I still don't feel like I have had enough sleep and it shows.

Last night I was so scattered brained that I would start something then get distracted and think of something else to do and leave what I was doing. This caused a fight so to say between my husband and myself. He threw an empty 5 gal water bottle and broke the lid. When I went to pick it up I told him he broke it and he was like if you put it in the right spot which I did have it where it should go mind you just not how he liked it. So I told him he didn't have to throw it and could have calmly moved it. Then he was like just go take your bath and I will do everything else like I always do. I told him that I didn't want a bath and that with having no sleep I'm a little off and can't remember what I was doing because of lack of sleep. So to make sure he didn't have to do anything else last night I did everything while he sat in the office to go though paperwork. I'm just glad that I told him that he doesn't have to throw things just because he doesn't like where I put it.

So now onto the rest of the day up till now. I enjoyed my pudding pop it was yummy. I think I did well with the first day of the rest of my life. Today after getting a little sleep I made my 4 year old and myself some scrambled eggs we also had OJ and a banana. So far so good now to figure out what is for lunch and lay out some meet for supper. I think I will be able to use the oven since it isn't so hot outside today. Oh I also fed the goats which I am beginning to not like one of them. The in-laws have 3 goats and the one I don't like has horns and isn't neutered.

So today my 20 month old has a speech appt which I will drop him and his PCA off so I can run 3 other places to get a few things done that need to get done. Then to pick up the 20 month old and PCA then home and we are going to watch movies till it is nap time. I think I will break out my Wii balance board sometime today and get in my exercise that way since it is raining outside and I can't go for a walk. I am going to try not to take a nap today so I can get a few other things done in the office so I can finish the quilt I am making for my 4 year old and then I can start on another one for the 20 month old or I will make one for my bed.

Well time to get my butt in gear and get the kids loaded into the car. Have a great day all.

July 8, 2013

The start has come and what a day it has been. I have fed goats for my in-laws went for a walk while my 4 year old biked. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night so I'm tired but trying to fight it off what ever way I can. I have also got 2 loads of laundry washed and hung out to dry only have 2 more loads to go if I decide not to wash my sheets today. My dog has been following me around all day and as usual she is by my side as I sit here on my computer. I hear Moo Moo eating to my right and Snuggles calling from her spot in the kitchen. The laughter of my 20 month old splashing his PCA puts a smile on my face. Its what is going on in this house hold day in and day out. Then you hear the 4 year old say he isn't to splash.

Back to the start of my week and the start of my journey to a better me. After not a lot of sleep I got up and took a shower and headed out to feed goats and put mail in the mail box. I'm late again with getting a card out. After my 20 min walk with my son I made a smoothie with strawberries, blueberries, OJ, and some protein powder. It made me full which is a great thing since  lunch is about a hour away.

Lunch today is a salad with some chicken, cheese, fresh tomato's, and some blue cheese dressing. I might add some croutons and almonds for a little crunch.

I'm excited to try my low fat pudding pops that I made the other day.

Supper will consist of grilled pork chops, potatoes, and green beans. Fruit for Dessert.

My goal for today is to not snack at 4pm when I am bored and the kids are sleeping. I will try to eat fruit for snack earlier in the day so I'm not eating so late and close to supper time. I also want to get in 8 to 10 cups of water to help me feel full.

Well the washer should be done shortly and then to hang it out to dry should be a good rest of the day. Going to try to get in a little work out once the boys take a nap.

July 6, 2013

A little bit about me. I am an over weight 30 year old that is embarking on a lifestyle change to loose weight and keep it off. I have 2 kids 4 years old and 20 months old. My 4 year old is my rainbow baby after loosing a 5 month old in 2003. My husband and I are adopting the 20 month old. He is my husbands cousins baby. Our 20 month old is a medical needs child in which we have to travel to see all of the special doctors he needs. We hope to have this process done soon. More about my house hold I will be with my husband for 6 years and married for 5 this July. I have 3 cats Miss Kitty, Moo Moo, and Snuggles. I also have 1 dog Dazy. I will write about them a lot and also my 2 kids they are my world and I love them all lots.

I suffer from migraines and I am currently trying out my 3rd and 4th medication for them. I'm not so sure on the 3rd med at this time as it makes me tired and really moody. But I am giving it some time to see if it gets any better. As for the 4th med I haven't had to use it yet and really hope I don't have to that the 3rd med is doing what it is to be doing.

I have been over weight for most of my life even though I started out as a preemie at 4lbs 12oz. I have been teased and harassed by my school mates and family about my weight. I not only blame myself for my weight problems but also my parents for not showing me the right ways to eat.  A little side not on my parents they were divorced when I was 2 and my mom got remarried when I was 10. Also my dad died in 2008 a few months before I got married to my husband. I also am on my second marriage.

So back to my lifestyle change I want to show my kids a healthier lifestyle so they don't have the problems that I have. I also want to be able to play with them more than just watching them play because I am to tired to play because of the excess weight I have. I get tired fast and just can't give the boys the attention they needs.

I have seen some of my in-laws who are over weight have problems playing with the grand kids and all the health issues they have. I don't want to have that and I have come to the fact that if I don't change it now I will never change it. I am right now healthy at my weight but need to loose weight so I don't have problems in the future. So starting today I start the process and I hope to be thinner in the next year. So let the lifestyle change commence.